Human behavior studies show that we are influenced by saying "yes" to requests.

We are surrounded by ecosystems of systems that lull us into adhering to requests. Vanessa Bohns is the author of " You Have More Influence Than You Think." Bohns challenges us to understand the power of influence. She contends that the pull is so unconsciously strong that we can do more harm than good without intentionality.

In a world that wants you to say "yes," how can we stand up to the systems to challenge with a "no"? Without the will to say "nope" to requests on your time, you will agree to someone else's vision.

It happens to us all: the advertisements, notifications, one additional requirement in a missed project, one more second of sleep when it's time to wake up, and the ice cream run instead of the gym.

STOP! Realize that "yes" systems are everywhere.

In our natural ecosystem that encourages saying "yes," we must deliberately say "no."

To resist strong influences, control your emotions in what you say and do.

When you do, you will gain the freedom of focus. And with focus, the time to address your most important goals.

Let's step through a few of the most challenging "yes" influences and how to say "naw bruh," not today!

• Reciprocity Principle: Free giveaways
• Authoritative Requests from Above
• Commitment to a little, tiny, easy ask

Many books, seminars, and college degrees teach how to influence people to answer "yes." It is a powerful force. The challenge is real.

To disrupt the pattern, you must have discipline. Let’s explore the way to "no":

Let’s address how in these (3) examples:

Saying No, 01: Reciprocity Principle - The Free Giveaways

The "Reciprocity Principle" is about building a relationship by doing a favor. Human behavior pulls the receiver of the favor into a commitment, an IOU for the future.

Here are five examples I'm sure you have experienced:

1. This free newsletter article you are reading right now
2. Free YouTube videos after watching ads
3. Free sample tasting at a store
4. Free game apps w/ ads
5. Free t-shirt

HOW TO RESPOND: Reciprocity is so powerful; let's not worry about saying "no." Say this instead:

• Thank you, then remove yourself from the offer
• Not today, but sometime in the distant future
• Smile in silence
• Don't look at the item provided. Disregard it immediately

Guard your sanity and time by limiting the number of requests that come to you.

Saying Nope, 02: Authoritative Requests from Above

Many people find it difficult to refuse when your leader asks you to do something. These people approve your vacation and annual review. They influence your career. It can feel awkward to manage a "nope" response with them.

Sometimes, the influential requests come from a spouse or elder within your home. No matter what happens, you must always respond appropriately because of the relationship.

Case in Point: You are already overwhelmed working on five different projects. These projects require significant overtime every week. The Leader Ask: I'd like you to take on these two additional projects.

HOW TO RESPOND: What you may be thinking in your mind, would not be appropriate for me to write in this article -- LMAO. Please do not say what you're thinking. Try this response instead:

• Can I review these two extra projects in the next day or two and let you know if I can handle them? ‍
• Here is my list of projects and a time study showing how much I spend on them. ‍
• I've prioritized all projects. Based on my analysis, here are the projects I'll be able to handle now. There are two projects that I have listed as beyond my capacity to deliver on. ‍
• Can you help me prioritize what's important to you? Would you suggest other ways to achieve our team's goals with limited capacity?

Find a way to "nope" that aligns with the culture of your situation.

Saying Naw Bruh, 03: Commitment to a little, tiny, easy ask

Spotting this tactic may be easy if you can handle the first two examples. The key is to identify the pattern.

Human behavior suggests that we generally are agreeable to keeping to the status quo. There is little reason to change if we feel unsafe and not threatened.

With this in mind, forces are in play to capture our attention with the smallest of commitments. The "yes" influencers will make the tiniest offer possible, which will feel so easy that you feel bad for saying "no."

Watch out for these seemingly harmless commitments. If you are not ready to commit for the long-term or an enormous ask, be very weary about even a tiny ask.

Why?

Because our brains are programmed to get comfortable with the tiny ask, we become more comfortable with the next step-size ask once we are amenable to the situation. The next thing you know is that you've made a significant commitment.

HOW TO RESPOND: Recognize the pattern of the tiny asks and say, "Nah, bruh." Sometimes, the requestor will apply pressure with this seemingly effortless ask for a small commitment. This is yet another sign and confirmation that you are in a longer-term trap. Just say, "no".

Pat yourself on the back for not being outsmarted.

Expert Tip: Try these tactics at home or with friends in low-risk scenarios. Build up your "nope" muscles. You'll be ready to flex them in critical situations in short order.

Your Homework: Say "no" to the next task that comes your way, no matter what it is, and check the response. Normalize "no" as your default answer.

The Recap:

1. No.
2. Nope.
3. Naw Bruh!

Next Up: How to adopt a creator vs. consumer mindset.